I am feeling a little bit depressed today. I chatted to the chap I am ‘seeing’ last night. He and I are always very careful to make sure one another understands the other because of the fact he is Spanish, I am English and my Spanish is not great. Anyway, so we were talking about if he will take his holiday in July or August. He asked me if I liked the beach and I said I liked quiet beaches as I did not like a lot of people around me making loads of noise, babies crying and all that. He agreed and said he knew some quieter areas with fewer people. I became enthusiastic and said I have never had sex on the beach and would like to have sex with him on the beach and for it to be all romantic and lovely. He asked me if it would be complete sex (we have yet to fuck: my choice) and I said yes but not now, when I am ready, when he is my boyfriend. I asked him how he felt about me and he said he didn’t know how he felt. He said he didn’t know if he felt friendship, affection or love. He is sincere and I trust that he is telling me the truth. However, I was talking to my friend about this and she said you should give him a ultimatum. However, it is too early to do that plus things take time, you cannot force someone into a relationship if they are not ready for it. It is best to take things slow and not to rush into anything. That is what my head says but my heart and my body have other ideas. I really like him but am not in love with him and do not love him. That may come in time. Also, there is no way I can fuck him unless I know he is sure about me. He says everyday he wants me more and knows me better. I don’t know, it is an awkward situation for reasons I am not going into on this blog and he is confused about how he feels about me. For me it is simple: if I really like a guy and trust him (I am an excellent judge of character: the chap I am seeing calls me a ‘witch’), then I will have him as my boyfriend get to know him more and go from there. The chap I am seeing seems to need to be VERY serious about a girl before he decides to start a relationship. I don’t know, we are coming from two different places. To me, taking a boyfriend is fairly serious but not like really, really serious whereas this guy I am ‘seeing’ thinks differently and says he doesn’t want to get with a girl and in six months it all be over. I do understand that, but at the end of the day you cannot control life, you don’t know what will happen so I think you just use your judgement, select a good man and go from there. I don’t really see it as being that complicated. If you like someone then you like them, and that’s that. So, we shall have to see how it goes. I am hoping that I will have an enjoyable summer with him, he gets to know me better and feels he is ready for me. I think if he is not ready to show more commitment by the summer or end of the summer I will have to let him go. I don’t know, we shall see what happens.
It depends on what your definition of ‘boyfriend’ is and what his is.
What are you looking for from him? What is he doing that fulfills your expectations without being prompted?
Is there intimacy in the talks? Are there public signs of affection?
I don’t know if I’ve missed the point of your post.
I am confused though for it sounds like all he wants is full sex but then you say he is not ready to commit to you in case it all fall flat or are there two men?
Hi and thanks for your questions. My chap is not ready for a girlfriend yet, he was in no way looking for a girl when he met me and needs more time to understand his feelings for me and to get to know me more. At the moment he does not know if he sees me as a friend or as a love interest. If you knew what he had been through and is still going through you would understand. He is a sweetie so don’t think I have got myself with some jerk, as I haven’t. He says the most important thing is making the right decision: if you pick the right person the relationship will go all the way and you can be together forever. He is very serious about relationships and I thought I was, but he far more so. He mentioned weddings and living together. I said I did not see boyfriends in that way, I said I did not think about weddings. He asked me what I thought about it and I laughed and said I hadn’t really thought about it (its true) as my parents were never married. The way I see a boyfriend is that you share each others lives, help each other, have an active sex life and love one another. If it does not work out then that is that. I have not really thought about weddings and living together and all that sort of thing. Seriously. If that is some error on my part maybe so, but I reckon it could be as he is over ten years older than me, so perhaps that is why we differ so much. He just takes the whole thing of boyfriend-girlfriend very seriously. Maybe he should be admired for his attitude, because you know if he commits to you he is seriously serious.